Maybe its because I don't have an infant to take care of this deployment, but I have found that I have a different outlook this time around. I noticed that when people ask me about the previous two deployments, I can't recall that much. I know looking back in pictures that I took the boys to the beach, the zoo, etc but I don't really "remember" that much about our fun. That made me sad that I seem to have forgotten some of the best times of them being little. Back then, I merely tried to survive. It was hard balancing work and the kids while trying to keep up with laundry and dishes. I had to get one of those baby enclosures and have Evan watch Camden while I tried to even get a shower. It was exhausting, but we made it...life kept going.
This time around I'm trying to do more living in the moment. My boys are very active, and I LOVE that! I'm enjoying the time I spend with them playing outside, going to the park or just having a movie night. My goal for this deployment is to keep it that way. I don't want to merely "survive" this time around. I want to look back at the pictures this time and smile when I remember all the good times we've had. Just today, I had to remind myself to live in the moment. We got back last Sunday from our last camping/jeeping trip. The next morning I started my first day of work for the year. Two days after that, Micah left. Needless to say, the house looks like a tornado hit it. We now have bags left to be unpacked, camping gear to be sorted and stored in the garage and laundry to be done.
I thought it was going to be a very productive day. Cam had his soccer game and when we got home, I finally got the lawn mowed. Then it was off to tackling laundry and cleaning the rest of the house. Just as I was finishing up dishes and really getting into the cleaning mode, Cam had an "I want daddy" moment and reminded me that I said I would hold him whenever he missed daddy. So, I left the rest of the house to be cleaned tomorrow. I held Cam. Evan asked for some individual time too, so after dinner it is going to be a "Wii" night. And you know what? For once I'm actually ok with that. In the past I would tell myself its ok if things didn't get done but deep down I would feel horrible. This deployment, I'm living in the moment. So if we need to hang out and the camping gear doesn't get unpacked, so be it. I love my boys and don't want to forget another minute of them growing up.